It may not be your wedding reception or rehearsal dinner, but your engagement party is still a very special occasion, meant to celebrate your upcoming marriage and this happy time in your life. It’s also a great chance for you and your partner’s family members and friends to get to know one another in a traditionally less formal setting than a wedding. (The less introductions you have to make during your wedding weekend, the better!) But just because your engagement party might have a casual, relaxed feel to it doesn’t mean there isn’t protocol to follow.
You'll still have the same questions anyone would, whether you're having it at a country club or in your backyard. Stay on track with this advice, whether you're the one getting married, hosting the event, or attending it. Here’s our rundown of the most important engagement party etiquette tips, from sending invitations to choosing the venue and more.
Here's Who Hosts and Pays for the Engagement Party
According to Diane Gottsman, founder of The Protocol School of Texas and author of Modern Etiquette for a Better Life, there are no hard and fast rules that say you must have an engagement party—much less who hosts it and pays for it. But typically, the host covers the cost of the celebration.
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While it was once customary for the bride’s family to host an engagement party, nowadays, anyone from close friends, to relatives, to the couple themselves may do so, says Gottsman. "Often, both sides of future in-laws organize a gathering to celebrate with friends and family members. If they live in different states, two separate parties are acceptable. The rules have really relaxed. In fact, even if they aren’t hosting the party, many couples have opted to help out financially when they have a particularly expensive venue in mind and they’re both working and making money.”
Should You Send Invites to the Engagement Party?
The short answer is yes, though the kind of invitation you send will be dictated by how formal the event will be. “If you’re having it at a high-end hotel, you’re probably going to send out more of a classic invitation in the mail, as opposed to an e-invitation,” Gottsman says. “But people do it both ways, and neither is right or wrong. It just depends on the formality of your party, like any other party.”
Who Gets Invited to the Engagement Party?
Typically, close friends and family members are invited to engagement parties, as well as anyone in the wedding party and their significant others. While it’s tradition to hold your engagement party anywhere from two to four months after your partner slipped the ring on your finger, try to think ahead to the wedding when you create your guest list. It’s a huge breach of etiquette to invite people to the engagement party, but not the wedding. (Same goes for the bridal shower.) People might not understand why they made the list for the engagement party but not the wedding, and fear they offended you in some way.
How to Decide on Your Engagement Party Venue
The engagement party venue might be considered the Wild West of wedding etiquette—really, just about anything goes. As long as its seasonally appropriate, the celebration may held outside, for example, in a beautifully decorated barn. “You can have it in a special room in a restaurant, someone’s home, or a condo meeting area,” Gottsman says. “It can be anywhere you would like, as long as you’re not putting people outside in the elements of winter or the heat of summer.”
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What You Should Wear to the Engagement Party
What guests should wear to an engagement party depends pretty much entirely on where the party is being held. You wouldn’t show up at the ballroom of a grand hotel in jeans, the same way you wouldn’t dress in a gown for a backyard barbecue. Still not sure of the appropriate attire? You’re always welcome to contact the host with questions, or look at the invitation and see if there's a dress code. If you're the one getting married, it's appropriate to dress up a little more than everyone else or put a special spin on your outfit—this party is for you, after all!
Engagement Party Gift Etiquette
Once upon a time, guests did not bring presents to an engagement party. Today, however, many celebrants choose to give something to the happy couple, though it is not mandatory. Hosts should just be sure to have a place to tuck away any presents at the party—and they should never be opened there—so that people who arrive empty-handed aren’t embarrassed. If you're a guest of honor though, it's a good idea to start your registry before your engagement party so that those who inquire about where you're registered will give you something you want or need.
“It’s also a nice touch for the couple to bring a thoughtful host/hostess gift to those who are honoring them with a celebration," Gottsman says. "And the couple should also immediately send out thank-you notes to the host as well as the guests who brought them gifts.”
Illustrations by Mary Fama.
