70 Funny Thanksgiving Jokes for an Open-Mic Turkey Day

Grab those (turkey) drumsticks! Somebody’s got to be ready to deliver that bu-dum tish sound effect for all the hilarious Thanksgiving jokes coming your way. This collection of 70 one-liners is sure to bring on the laughter, which just happens to be one of our favorite Thanksgiving traditions.

Have turkey jokes in mind? Jokes for kids? Jokes for adults? Pilgrim jokes? Knock-knock jokes? We've got those all covered, with plenty of dad joke humor in there and some punny puns too (and here's some more puns and memes for good measure). So as you post pics of your festivities with the perfect Instagram captions and pour those Thanksgiving cocktails, pull out this list and get to joking around.

And don't worry, all of these Thanksgiving jokes are clean enough for the kids' table (that will be all the more fun with these fun Thanksgiving activities!). But they are sure to entertain the children at heart too. So get to poking at some fun while you all poke at your food! With these jokes, you're sure to be on a casse-role at the table.

Turkey Thanksgiving Jokes

"I thought you said we’re having two turkeys this year?" "Yes, your uncle is right over there."

• "How does a turkey travel?" "By gravy train."
• "What do you call a turkey the day after Thanksgiving?" "Lucky!"
• "What did the turkey say to his real estate agent?" "Turn-key only."
• "What’s a turkey’s favorite month?" "They don’t have one, but they prefer any other than November!"
• "What sound does a turkey's phone make?" "Wing-wing-wing."
• "What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?" "Quack, Quack!"
• "Why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey?" "He sensed fowl play."
• "What key has legs and can't open a door?" "A tur-key."
• "Why did they let the turkey join the band?" "Because he had his own drumsticks."
• "What happened to the turkey that got in a fight?" "He got the stuffing knocked out of him!"

"These are your jokes, and I’m the turkey?"

• "You know you overdid it at Thanksgiving when you thought the serving size for turkey was one."
• "Why shouldn't you sit next to a turkey at dinner?" "Because he will gobble it up."
• "If you call a big turkey a gobbler, what do you call a small one?" "A goblet."
• "What do you call a running turkey?" "Fast food."
• "What's blue and covered in feathers?" "A turkey holding its breath."
• "What's the best song to play while cooking a turkey?" "All about that baste."
• "Why did the turkey cross the road?" "He wanted people to think he was a chicken."
• "Why was the turkey put in jail?" "The police suspected fowl play."
• "How come the turkey didn't eat dinner?" "He was already stuffed."
• "What did the turkey say to the computer?" "Google, google."
• "What do you get if you cross a turkey with a ghost?" "A poultry-geist."
• "What kind of weather does a turkey like?" "Fowl weather."
• "What did the leftover turkey say?" "Make me a sandwich!"

Thanksgiving Food Jokes

"Pass the corn(y jokes), please."

• "How'd the Thanksgiving cheese plate go over?" "Everyone was grateful."
• "I tried a new pie recipe." "Wow, you're a real pie-oneer."
• "How was the butternut squash soup?" "It was gourd."
• "What side dish do you bring for Thanksgiving dinner when you accidentally sat on the sweet potatoes?" "Squash casserole."
• "What role do green beans play in Thanksgiving dinner?" "The casse-role."
• "What's Frankenstein's favorite Thanksgiving dish?" "Monster mash potatoes and grave-y."
• "What's a turkey's favorite dessert?" "Peach gobbler!"
• "Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive?" "It had 24 carrots."
• "What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?" "If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!"
• "Why did the cranberries turn red?" "Because they saw the turkey dressing."
• "You know you overdid it on Thanksgiving when you cut yourself shaving and you bleed gravy."
• "My grandma made mashed potatoes from a box. That's it. That's the joke."

Thanksgiving Jokes for Kids

• "Why did the turkey get detention at school?" "He used fowl language."
• "What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner?" "A har-vest."
• "Why didn't the cook season the Thanksgiving turkey?" "There was no thyme!"
• "What's a turkey's favorite Thanksgiving food?" "Nothing—it's already stuffed."
• "Which holiday is Dracula's favorite?" "Fangs-giving."
• "What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?" "The turkey trot."
• "What instrument does a turkey play?" "The drumsticks!"
• "What kind of key can't open doors?" "A tur-key."
• "What sound does a dizzy turkey make?" "Wobble, wobble."
• "What did Han Solo say to Luke Skywalker on Thanksgiving?" "May the forks be with you."

Pilgrim Thanksgiving Jokes

• "What did pilgrim teenagers think about the first Thanksgiving?" "It was corny."
• "What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?" "Plymouth Rock."
• "If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?" "Pilgrims."
• "Why didn't the pilgrim want to make the bread?" "It's a crummy job."
• "What do you a call the age of a pilgrim?" "Pilgrimage."
• "Why do pilgrims' pants always fall down?" "Because they wear their buckles on their hats!"
• "What's John Wayne's favorite holiday?" "Thanksgiving, Pilgrim."

Thanksgiving Knock-Knock Jokes

• "Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "Abby." "Abby who?" "Abby Thanksgiving!"
• "Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "Senior." "Senior who?" "Senior cooking. Can I have some?"
• "Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "Graham." "Graham who?" "Graham cracker crust is my favorite."
• "Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "Norma Lee." "Norma Lee who?" "Norma Lee I don't drink eat this much!"
• "Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "Tamara." "Tamara who?" "Tamara we'll eat all the leftovers!"
• "Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "Annie." "Annie who?" "Annie body seen the turkey?"
• "Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "Arthur." "Arthur who?" "Arthur any leftovers?"
• "Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "Don." "Don who?" "Don eat all the gravy, I want some more."

Thanksgiving Puns

• Feelin' gravy.
• I yam what I yam.
• I'm all about that baste.
• Stop, drop, and pass the rolls!
• My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I said I couldn't quit cold turkey.
• I only have pies for you.
• Hey I just met you, and this is gravy, but here's my stuffing, so carve me maybe.
• Let's get basted.
• Gobble 'til you wobble.
• Oh my gourd, I ate too much.

Blair Donovan

Blair Donovan is a staff writer for CountryLiving.com, where she covers everything from the latest Joanna Gaines and “The Voice” news to home décor, gardening, DIY, and entertaining. She’s previously written for Brides and Redbook.