53 Best Valentine's Day Jokes for Adults and Kids

On Valentine's Day, we will stop at nothing to put a smile on the faces of our loved ones. And, sure, we can plan the perfect date, pick out the ideal Valentine's Day gift, and bake up some special desserts. But sometimes, making your Valentine smile takes nothing more than a hilarious Valentine's Day joke. Whether you're looking for a Valentine's Day caption for Instagram or something silly to write in a Valentine's Day card, you can't go wrong with a funny pun or one-liner.

These cute and funny Valentine's Day sayings are sweeter than chocolate and guaranteed to make your loved ones (both kids and adults) LOL all day long. From clever Valentine's Day puns to corny dad jokes to adorable knock-knock jokes, these hilarious ideas will get all the giggles.

This list is guaranteed to have the perfect joke for the loved ones in your life, whether young or old. That’s right, adults and kids alike are sure to be laughing their heads off when they open their Valentine’s Day card to see one of these perfectly crafted jokes. Need more inspiration for love-themed laughs? Check out these funny love quotes and sweet Valentine's Day quotes.

Best Valentine's Day Dad Jokes

• "Why shouldn't you trust a pastry chef on Valentine's Day?" "Because he'll dessert you."
• "What do you give your Valentine in France?" "A big quiche."
• "What do you tell a pig on February 14?" "Happy Valen-swine's Day!"
• "Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?" "Yes, it's February 14."
• "What did the tortoise say on Valentine's Day?" "I turt-ally love you."
• "How did the squirrel get his Valentine's attention?" "He acted like a nut."
• "How do you keep a jewelry store save on Valentine's Day?" "You locket."
• "What do you call sweets that can keep a beat?" "Candy rappers."
• "What do you call a romance that starts at the aquarium?" "Guppy love."
• "How do vampires know if they had a successful Valentine's Day?" "If it's love at first bite."
• "Why should you date a goalie?" "He's a keeper."
• "What did the painter tell his girlfriend?" "I love you with all my art."
• "What did the man with the broken leg tell his Valentine?" "I have a crutch on you."

Best Corny Valentine's Day Jokes

• "What do you write in a slug's Valentine's Day card?" "Be my Valen-slime!"
• "What did the paper clip say to the magnet?" "I find you very attractive."
• "Why did the husband get his wife a kitten for Valentine's Day?" "He thought it was the purrfect present.
• "What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?" "I’m stuck on you!"
• "Why didn’t the skeleton want to send any Valentine’s Day cards?" "His heart wasn’t in it."
• "What's Cupid's favorite band?" "Kiss!"
• "Why did the sheriff lock up their valentine?" "She stole their heart."
• "What do you call two birds in love?" "Tweethearts!"
• "What did the scientist say to her valentine?" "I think of you periodically."
• "How can you tell when a squirrel is in love?" "It goes nuts!"
• "I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture. But when I got home the tables were turned."
• "I once fell in love with someone who only knew 4 vowels. They didn’t know I existed."
  
• "What did the calculator say to the pencil?" "You can count on me."
• "How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?" "He gave her a ring!"
• "What did one oar tell the other oar?" "This is so row-mantic!"
• "What did the light bulb say to the other light bulb?" "You light my world up."
• "How can you get arrested on Valentine's Day?" "For stealing someone's heart."

Best Valentine's Day Joke Puns

• "What did one watermelon say to the other?" "You're one in a melon!"
• "What do you call a very small Valentine?" "A valen-tiny."
• "What did the ghost say to his valentine?" "You look so BOOtiful."
• "If he doesn't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango."
• "What do farmers give for Valentine’s Day?" "Lots of hogs and kisses."
• "What do you call a Valentine's Day gift that didn't arrive time?" "Choco-late."
• "What did one bee say to the other?" "I love bee-ing with you, honey!"
• "What did one volcano say to the other?" "I lava you."
• "What did one blueberry say to the other on Valentine's Day?" "I love you berry much."
• "What did the cucumber say to the pickle?" "You mean a great dill to me."
• "What did one cat say to the other cat on Valentine's Day?" "You're purr-fect for me."
• "What did one sheep say to the other on February 14?" "I love ewe."
• "How much candy do you hope to get this Valentine's Day?" "A choco-LOT!"
• "What did one flame say to another on Valentine's Day?" "We're a perfect match."
• "How did the phone propose to his GF?" "He gave her a ring."
• "How did the whale ask the other whale on a Valentine's date?" "Whale you be mine?"
• "What do you call a ghost's sweetheart?" "A ghoul-friend."

Best Valentine's Day Knock-Knock Jokes

• "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Olive." "Olive who?" "Olive you!"
• "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Peas." "Peas who?" "Peas be mine!"
  
• "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Butch, Jimmy and Joe." "Butch, Jimmy, and Joe who?" "Butch your arms around me, Jimmy a kiss, and let's Joe."
• "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Disguise." "Disguise who?" "Disguise is your boy friend!"
• "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Howard." "Howard who?" "Howard you like a big kiss?"
• "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Bea." "Bea who?" "Bea my Valentine!"

Kelly O'Sullivan

Senior Editor

Kelly O’Sullivan is the senior editor for The Pioneer Woman and manages the website’s social channels, in addition to overseeing content strategy and news.